I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
