like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
