we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Randomize
