Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.