Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
25 People Confess What They’re Shamefully Attracted To
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
These 23 People Share the Worst Advice They’ve Been Given
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green