Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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