I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
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