Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
