wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
