Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Dear god my vagina.
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