This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
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