so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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