Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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