Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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