i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
You are a genius and a whore.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
