cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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