Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize