There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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