Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Randomize
