dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
so let's talk penis.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
