I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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