I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Randomize
