i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
