Dude my mom stole all your condoms
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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