I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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