There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
