So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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