i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
