Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
