My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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