Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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