My liver just broke up with me...
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
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