i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Randomize
