i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Randomize
