I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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