I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
