i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
