I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
