this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
