me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
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I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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