would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Randomize
