my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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