All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
