What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize
