your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
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