You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
