Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Randomize
