Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
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Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
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Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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