i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize