I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Randomize
