anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
