My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
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Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
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I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
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