So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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