I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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