I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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