Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
