you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
my liver is dry heaving
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
