Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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