dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
