and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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