How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Randomize
